On Martin Luther King Jr.'s holiday, let's reflect briefly on just one of his many things he did so well that we could apply today.
In addition to his strong vision & charisma, MLK Jr had was defined by extraordinary courage and justice.
Today, where do team leaders most often need a reminder to summon their courage and increase justice? Often, it's when they are not holding their team members accountable enough, out of fear of conflict.
When someone is properly held accountable, their individual performance and engagement increases, and you satisfy the teammates innate hunger for justice.
It's not just the manager's job to hold people accountable. In fact, it's often a better sign of team health when there is peer-accountability.
So, whether you are the team-leader, or a peer, please do summon the courage to increase justice in your team. It has great rewards.
But, before you embark on a very difficult conversation, I recommend you help make it easier, with far less hazards, by reading the short tips on feedback pre-conditions, SBIR, and be mindful not to lead by force.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Feedback - SBIR
OK, after checking your pre-conditions, let's look at the best way to deliver feedback. It's called the "SBIR" method.
You want the person to say "Yes" to the first 2 questions. This gets them in an agreeable, listening mode, for the tough parts to follow. And, if they don't say "Yes", you can check the facts first.
Example: Bob was late to deliver a training session.
1) Situation
Stick to the facts: "Do you remember when you came late today to the training session you were running?" "Yes".
2) Behavior
What were they doing in that situation? "Do you remember how, when you entered, you didn't even apologize to the audience?" "Yes"
3) Impact
Share with them what impact their behavior had in that situation. Combine new data and unconsidered perspectives. This may be new information for them. "So, when you waste a roomful of people's time, you're not only wasting time, but also disrespecting a roomful of people. Disrespect carries far greater costs to the team productivity over time."
4) Recommendation
As always, I hope this helps you too. And, let me know how you use this, and how you'd enhance it.
You want the person to say "Yes" to the first 2 questions. This gets them in an agreeable, listening mode, for the tough parts to follow. And, if they don't say "Yes", you can check the facts first.
Example: Bob was late to deliver a training session.
1) Situation
Stick to the facts: "Do you remember when you came late today to the training session you were running?" "Yes".
2) Behavior
What were they doing in that situation? "Do you remember how, when you entered, you didn't even apologize to the audience?" "Yes"
3) Impact
Share with them what impact their behavior had in that situation. Combine new data and unconsidered perspectives. This may be new information for them. "So, when you waste a roomful of people's time, you're not only wasting time, but also disrespecting a roomful of people. Disrespect carries far greater costs to the team productivity over time."
4) Recommendation
- Ask them for their recommendation.
- Why not my recommendation? Their recommendation may be only 80% correct, but will be 99% owned and followed up on. Your recommendation may be 99% correct, but will be acted on from their sense of obligation (rather than ownership), and only ~50% followed up on. But, do offer your recommendation if their recommendation is totally unacceptable.
As always, I hope this helps you too. And, let me know how you use this, and how you'd enhance it.
Feedback - pre-conditions
Giving negative feedback is hard. There are so many ways managers typically mess it up and just make things far worse.
Here are tricks I use to make it a success. Let's focus first on the important pre-conditions:
1) Check yourself
2) Check the facts
3) Build a listening* state
4) *Listening
OK. Enough about pre-conditions! When you're ready to tackle it, check out the next article: Feedback "SBIR"
Here are tricks I use to make it a success. Let's focus first on the important pre-conditions:
1) Check yourself
- What's my emotional state? What baggage might I be bringing?
- What was my contribution to this? This isn't likely 100% their fault. What did I do to create or perpetuate this situation?
2) Check the facts
3) Build a listening* state
- Open them up: Remind them that you value them. After all, this feedback is a personal investment in making them better. (It isn't? Check yourself again.)
- Check your positive to negative ratio. People truly listen when in a positive relationship. They don't listen to constant naysayers.
- It's a good time to talk. Plan a good time. Veryify by asking if this is a good time.
4) *Listening
- Lincoln said, "Listening is allowing yourself to be truly changed." Try to get them in this state, and allow yourself to be in this state too.
OK. Enough about pre-conditions! When you're ready to tackle it, check out the next article: Feedback "SBIR"
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Lead by giving (limited) choices
Here's a trick so good, I actually enjoy it when it's played on me*.
When leading (teams, engineers, children, customers, peers, bosses, etc), give them limited choices.
0. Clarify the task in positive terms
1. Give them a choice.
2. But limit their choices.
3. Let them own it!
*Like most of the best behaviors/tricks on this blog, this passes the "moral reciprocity test" (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you... Karma/etc...). Wouldn't you want this from your leaders? Isn't it good to reflect on how you like to be managed, to remind yourself how to best manage your team?
When leading (teams, engineers, children, customers, peers, bosses, etc), give them limited choices.
0. Clarify the task in positive terms
This is a critical zero-step. More on this later.
When I have a choice, I have control. When I'm working from my circle of control, I am less stressed.
Inform me of the constraints.
If you have only chicken or fish, ask, "would you like chicken or fish?"
Don't ask, "What do you want to eat?"
If you need 7 things done by next Tuesday, ask your team to volunteer from that list.
3. Let them own it!
Think about how your next leadership tasks will play out. Compare:
"OK. I'll do that task. If you say so.... "
with:
"I'll do B! Here's why I chose it.... It's much better for me than A..."
The person who was given a choice is going to be much more likely to OWN the solution, which is exactly what you & they want. Having a sense of ownership is more satisfying, easier to manage, and gets the best results.
*Like most of the best behaviors/tricks on this blog, this passes the "moral reciprocity test" (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you... Karma/etc...). Wouldn't you want this from your leaders? Isn't it good to reflect on how you like to be managed, to remind yourself how to best manage your team?
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Avoid the Emotional Hijack
"You suck at your job!"
Rarely, people say this to you. Most of the time, if you're a good performer, you're just saying this to yourself. You're facing a challenge & stuck, frustrated. You insult yourself and take shame.
When you're faced with a challenge, you want to win. You want to grow from that challenge.
But, often, when challenged, many of us get emotionally hijacked. Instead of facing that challenge, winning, and growing, we instead take that challenge as an existential threat to our identity... A threat to who I am at my core. "I AM A LEADER!" If I fail here, I am no longer who I thought I am!
Ok, you're above that, right? Maybe not. Think of the last 3 times you were over emotional? How many of those times fit the above profile?
When you face that challenge, you don't need an emotional overload, an emotional hijack to motivate (and derail!) you. If you give in to the emotional rage, you're likely to be blind to the real solutions, and you're likely to piss off the people around you, creating ripple effects of team damage that will need much energy to repair later. (Trust takes a long time to build, and far longer to rebuild after you get hot-headed with your team.)
Here's a well-proven trick to beat that!
It's a simple exercise:
1) Get a blank sheet of paper.
2) At the top, write "WHO I AM"
3) Start listing ALL of the things that define you. List things you've done in the past too, as you often still have those skills & capacities.
For example, here's mine, in clusters:
Just write down everything that defines you. Don't forget, "student". We all were dedicated learners for a good chunk of our lives, and let's not forget that we still have that identity & capacity to learn!
Now, when either a person, or a situation makes you feel like you're lousy at your job, you can realize that this is no existential threat. Even if you failed today, you are so much more than just one thing. So, go fix the problem. Learn from it. But, don't let yourself think that failure is a total failure of your identity.
This is a proven method to keep your cool, and face challenges with the right level of passion, where you embrace the challenge, learn from it, grow, win, but all while not getting hijacked by your emotions.
Rarely, people say this to you. Most of the time, if you're a good performer, you're just saying this to yourself. You're facing a challenge & stuck, frustrated. You insult yourself and take shame.
When you're faced with a challenge, you want to win. You want to grow from that challenge.
But, often, when challenged, many of us get emotionally hijacked. Instead of facing that challenge, winning, and growing, we instead take that challenge as an existential threat to our identity... A threat to who I am at my core. "I AM A LEADER!" If I fail here, I am no longer who I thought I am!
Ok, you're above that, right? Maybe not. Think of the last 3 times you were over emotional? How many of those times fit the above profile?
When you face that challenge, you don't need an emotional overload, an emotional hijack to motivate (and derail!) you. If you give in to the emotional rage, you're likely to be blind to the real solutions, and you're likely to piss off the people around you, creating ripple effects of team damage that will need much energy to repair later. (Trust takes a long time to build, and far longer to rebuild after you get hot-headed with your team.)
Here's a well-proven trick to beat that!
It's a simple exercise:
1) Get a blank sheet of paper.
2) At the top, write "WHO I AM"
3) Start listing ALL of the things that define you. List things you've done in the past too, as you often still have those skills & capacities.
For example, here's mine, in clusters:
- Family: Husband, father, brother, son, uncle, cousin, godfather, pinzan, ninong, tito, etc
- Work: Leader, manager, director, project manager, engineer (software, mechanical), trainer, scrum master, product manager, inventor, sales engineer, account manager, etc...
- Hobbies: Gardener, jazz piano player, chess player, juggler, curious reader, idea creator, debator, etc.
- Misc: Occasional plumber, electrician, oh yeah, friend too, and playful jokester at times.
Just write down everything that defines you. Don't forget, "student". We all were dedicated learners for a good chunk of our lives, and let's not forget that we still have that identity & capacity to learn!
Now, when either a person, or a situation makes you feel like you're lousy at your job, you can realize that this is no existential threat. Even if you failed today, you are so much more than just one thing. So, go fix the problem. Learn from it. But, don't let yourself think that failure is a total failure of your identity.
This is a proven method to keep your cool, and face challenges with the right level of passion, where you embrace the challenge, learn from it, grow, win, but all while not getting hijacked by your emotions.
If you're leading by force, you're not leading, you're forcing
Sometimes, leaders take the "attractive shortcut" of leading by force and fear. Just in case you need a reminder (or need to remind someone else in your workplace): Here's why that's no solution at all:
1) Even if the economy is such that you could get away with branding your employees with a red hot iron to their forehead, that's not likely going to be the best way to get productivity. Your customers aren't going to see great results from that.
2) If someone put a gun to your head and demanded $50, you'd give it to them. But, would you meet them at the same corner every day for the next year?
Leading by force, and leading by fear, is not leading at all. It's simply forcing. If you play that hand, you will get short term results, just like a robber with a gun would. You will NOT get good mid-term or long-term results. And, the best people will leave a bad manager first.
Again, remember, how would YOU like to be managed? Do the same with your team, and you'll find they are human like you, and respond better to positive leadership than to forcing, fear, and threats.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Celebrate, and build on success
When I tuck my little son in for bed, I ask him, "What were your favorite things about today?"... And, I ask myself the same question while he thinks and answers.
Doing this, is a simple exercise in:
1) Celebrating the good things in life, and enjoying life
2) Sharing & creating a positive bond
3) Using repetition after a time interval to move experiences from short-term to long-term memory
4) Reflecting on what you really value
5) Reflecting on how you get what you really want!
This is also a simple exercise you can do with your team at work. At the end of a project, do a short retrospective. Go around the room, and ask people to share what their favorite things were about the project. It's a very cheap, fast way to improve morale, learn, and enjoy the work more.
Oh, yeah, and don't forget also to reflect on failures, and learn from those too. Just don't END the meeting/day/session that way! Most engineers naturally focus on problem-solving, so reflecting on failures comes more naturally than learning from successes. Thus, this gentle reminder....
Doing this, is a simple exercise in:
1) Celebrating the good things in life, and enjoying life
2) Sharing & creating a positive bond
3) Using repetition after a time interval to move experiences from short-term to long-term memory
4) Reflecting on what you really value
5) Reflecting on how you get what you really want!
This is also a simple exercise you can do with your team at work. At the end of a project, do a short retrospective. Go around the room, and ask people to share what their favorite things were about the project. It's a very cheap, fast way to improve morale, learn, and enjoy the work more.
Oh, yeah, and don't forget also to reflect on failures, and learn from those too. Just don't END the meeting/day/session that way! Most engineers naturally focus on problem-solving, so reflecting on failures comes more naturally than learning from successes. Thus, this gentle reminder....
"The Tell"
A tell in poker is a subtle but detectable change in a player's behavior or demeanor that gives clues to that player's assessment of his hand.
In your business and personal life, here are some very useful "tells" to look for:
"I hope..."
Hope is an optimistic, nice feeling to have. But, when someone tells you that they hope something will happen, they aren't just telling you they are optimistic! They are also telling you that they feel the outcome is beyond their control.
"I hope the project completes on time."
"I hope it won't rain."
"I hope I didn't offend you."
The person is really not owning the issue or controlling it. Success is beyond their control, and all they can do is hope. Expect failure.
Imagine the difference in the level of personal responsibility, control, and commitment, if you were to turn the word "hope" into "I will" or "I plan":
Absolutes (always/never)
When you take things to extremes, they are absurd. As any good engineer will tell you, there's no such thing as 100%. It's about "how many 9's". The truth is somewhere between extremes.
We are entertained (but not informed) by fights between extremes (Left v. Right, PC v. Mac (v. Linux), Centralized v. Distributed, etc..) Because we are entertained by this, we get served a ton of these extreme fights on TV, in politics, and too often in our personal and professional life.
So, when someone is speaking in terms of absolutes ("always/never"), they are speaking from a position of falsehood, arguing for or against a simple strawman.
So, the "tell" is: If you hear someone speaking in absolutes, they are revealing that they are stuck in an emotional falsehood.
Steer the conversation back to reality, by recognizing that what they think "always" happens, does happen sometimes, and maybe often, but certainly not "always".
The seemingly small difference between "often" and "always" is actually crucial. Instead of arguing about the truth of an absolute position which is false anyway, you talk about the specifics that need fixing. It can calm someone down and work on the issue.
For example, imagine how much easier and natural it is to get towards a peaceful, productive resolution if you start at:
"You don't thank me often enough!"
v.
"You NEVER thank me!" (absolutely bad)
Instead getting stuck arguing about invalid absolute facts, you spend time talking about how much "thanks" you want, in what situations, and what methods you appreciate. These discussion points are exactly what you wanted in the first place!
To use this "tell" against my own post, it's not "always" true that absolutes are invalid. It's just often true, and in those cases where absolutes are true, we really aren't arguing anyway. ("The sun always rises in the east.")
I hope you always use these tips, and always find them valuable :)
In your business and personal life, here are some very useful "tells" to look for:
"I hope..."
Hope is an optimistic, nice feeling to have. But, when someone tells you that they hope something will happen, they aren't just telling you they are optimistic! They are also telling you that they feel the outcome is beyond their control.
"I hope the project completes on time."
"I hope it won't rain."
"I hope I didn't offend you."
The person is really not owning the issue or controlling it. Success is beyond their control, and all they can do is hope. Expect failure.
Imagine the difference in the level of personal responsibility, control, and commitment, if you were to turn the word "hope" into "I will" or "I plan":
Absolutes (always/never)
When you take things to extremes, they are absurd. As any good engineer will tell you, there's no such thing as 100%. It's about "how many 9's". The truth is somewhere between extremes. We are entertained (but not informed) by fights between extremes (Left v. Right, PC v. Mac (v. Linux), Centralized v. Distributed, etc..) Because we are entertained by this, we get served a ton of these extreme fights on TV, in politics, and too often in our personal and professional life.
So, when someone is speaking in terms of absolutes ("always/never"), they are speaking from a position of falsehood, arguing for or against a simple strawman.
So, the "tell" is: If you hear someone speaking in absolutes, they are revealing that they are stuck in an emotional falsehood.
Steer the conversation back to reality, by recognizing that what they think "always" happens, does happen sometimes, and maybe often, but certainly not "always".
The seemingly small difference between "often" and "always" is actually crucial. Instead of arguing about the truth of an absolute position which is false anyway, you talk about the specifics that need fixing. It can calm someone down and work on the issue.
For example, imagine how much easier and natural it is to get towards a peaceful, productive resolution if you start at:
"You don't thank me often enough!"
v.
"You NEVER thank me!" (absolutely bad)
Instead getting stuck arguing about invalid absolute facts, you spend time talking about how much "thanks" you want, in what situations, and what methods you appreciate. These discussion points are exactly what you wanted in the first place!
To use this "tell" against my own post, it's not "always" true that absolutes are invalid. It's just often true, and in those cases where absolutes are true, we really aren't arguing anyway. ("The sun always rises in the east.")
I hope you always use these tips, and always find them valuable :)
Saturday, January 9, 2010
About
LeaderSnacks provides a few bite-sized chunks of brain food (tips, tricks) that I've found useful to better manage my teams, my self, my life.
Sure, it may not be all that original, new, innovative. But, these are the lessons that I've found have really helped me over the years, to manage my team, my life better. And, there are many work/life environments where these seemingly "common sense" concepts are not practiced. So, this is more of a reminder, and a call to action... to bring relevant content to use in your life.
Sure, it may not be all that original, new, innovative. But, these are the lessons that I've found have really helped me over the years, to manage my team, my life better. And, there are many work/life environments where these seemingly "common sense" concepts are not practiced. So, this is more of a reminder, and a call to action... to bring relevant content to use in your life.
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